The Schoolgirl Pagan

Being a schoolgirl pagan
can really ease the load;
If my teacher gives me homework
I can turn him into a toad.
Or when my friends are nasty
I make all their hair fall out
and laugh at them in their silly wigs:
It's what witchcraft's all about!

Now some other girls at my school
have caught this teen-witch craze,
And think that I'm attention seeking
when I disappear for days
and turn up in the schoolyard
with my clothes all ripped and torn,
And mumble on in special code
about being Satan's first born.

They say that magic's not like that,
That I should obey the Rede
and not do spells for fancy clothes
to satisfy my greed,
That I should help all others
and aim to heal the earth;
That life is not all hurt and pain
but happiness and mirth!

They don't know what they're talking about,
They haven't got a clue,
so I told them "Wussy witches!
I'll put a curse on you!"
I'd been working on my evil laugh;
It sounded cold and slithering.
But the girls just smiled and turned their backs
with a look that was so withering.

I thought "I'll show them how it's done,
That I'm the real thing,
So I pointed my wand at the nearest girl
and it went off with a 'ping!'
But something didn't seem quite right
as they all grew rather tall,
against the wall I pressed my back;
I felt all slimy and small…

My cursing had backfired on me,
I thought I'd been so cunning.
At least I know my spell works -
the effects are really quite stunning.
So as I drew back inside my shell,
as every good snail should,
I heard one of the witchy girls say
"Well, she's gone for good."

So it's time to hammer the moral home
as I slide off into the night;
Becoming a witch to get attention
doesn't always prove to be right.
I wanted people to admire me
for my magical mystical powers,
but now I'm just the strange snail-girl
who slithers around in the flowers…